Despite the rain, I think the clouds are clearing (a blog with very few omissions)

For the last week or two, I don't think I can honestly say I was completely happy. There were good moments scattered here and there, like recording music with Chris Molden, walking on westcliff with Cassia, or going over to Chris and Ian Arthur's house and playing Noby Noby Boy with Chris, Keanan, Sequoyah, and Cedar... but for the most part I don't think I really had gotten over what happened february 19th.

But today, I'm not entirely sure what happened. Everything suddenly seemed lighter. I looked in the mirror this morning, and one thing I notice first about when I'm depressed is that my eyes don't reflect light. And they were practically glowing with refectivity today.

I went downtown at around 2:00 this afternoon, and I had a weird feeling of expectancy once I got there that good things were going to happen. I wandered around for a bit, then talked to Kim, Savanna's mom for a little while. She's actually a really cool person, and I hadn't really had a lengthy conversation with her before, so it was nice. We talked about all sorts of stuff, and she gave me a discount on the coffee I bought too. It also made me think of how long it's been since I last saw Savanna. I think I need to change that.

Then I went and bought Steven Wilson's solo album Insurgentes, which I am listening to now. Oddly, I had somewhat low expectations for it, and so far, they're being blown out of the water. It's just... so good, but in a really different way than the rest of the stuff he's done. I really want to get a chance to hear the surround sound version, but I don't have the sound system for it, so I guess I'll wait a little while. But still, even in regular stereo, it's just so well put together. It's not quite like Lunatic Soul, which is by far my favorite recent album, but it's probably going to get a lot of listens in the next few weeks. No Twilight Within the Courts of the Sun is amazing. It's one of those songs that sends shivers up and down my spine.

I also hung out with Myjah today for the first time since before she, Paula, and Jack left for Oregon and Washington. It turns out, she had also been having just as shitty a week as I had, for similar reasons even. She said at one point "get out of my head!" in a half joking way, and it made me think, why don't I see her more often? Though she was having a sort of shitty day, we got to talk to each other a bit about our recent difficulties, and it made things a lot better. We had delicious soup at her house, visited Paula at work, then drove out to Cabrillo to get her car towed (the transmission had problems) then hurried back to Santa Cruz so I could get a ride home with Steve.

Now, I probably would have hung out with her longer if it weren't for another amazing thing that happened today: my mom called me while I was over at Myjah's and told me that I had gotten a call from the CCC about the back country trails program, saying my interview was scheduled for tomorrow, and that the person who called said my application was strong. Considering the fact that I've been basically waiting to find out about that for the last few weeks, and that's all I was really doing... it came as a welcome relief from all the waiting. I've felt a lot like my actions were completely futile in most of the recent situations I've dealt with (the whole thing with Mandy... that was the worst possible feeling), and finally being able to accomplish something on my own is something I've really not been able to do for MONTHS now it feels like.

Also, I stopped by Saturn Cafe briefly to say happy birthday to Evan, and he was curious about Yggdrasil Engulfed, my project with Chris Molden. Bill complemented me on my beard... man, it just seems like one thing after another was perfect today. Even the ride home, where I talked with Steve about Micaela and her computer addiction, didn't seem to have the sad untertones it would have had my day been better. And not to mention, I showed Insurgentes to Steve, and he enjoyed it a lot.

It's been an amazing day. I'm pretty surprised at everything that's happened. I think part of the reason it was so amazing is that yesterday, I resolved to myself that I was going to find out what happened to Mandy... I'm not really sure why this helped, but everything feels like it's much more in my grasp this time for some reason. I can't explain it. But I like this feeling. A lot.

Let's hope it decides to stick around.